by riana

I got a message this morning from one of my international friends, disheartened by many aspects of the divides we're seeing worldwide. "I just want someone to understand me and my beliefs," she wrote.

My heart rose up in my chest. I think we all want to feel that, deeply.

We just want to be understood.

This is not an easy time for humans, because it seems no matter WHAT we believe is the "right thing" to be doing or has been done, it's never "enough." Our convictions are often met with open opposition, criticism, judgment, and a lot of assumptions about "who" we must be associated with.

We’re definitely, as a whole, not feeling seen and understood!

You and I logically know we're far more complex than any simple assumptions made by others about “who” we are— and we must resist falling into the trap of division.

And yet, we can't help but feel: we want to belong, be heard, be respected for our beliefs, and feel understood. And most of all, we want to feel that sense of inner peace within, even if the world outside is loud, distracted, and divided.

So... how do we gracefully handle this judgment, discord, and disconnect from others in this strange time??

As a cultural ambassador for the United States, I specialized in creating open-minded discussions, cultural exchange experiences, and meaningful interactions across diverse populations. I have personally experienced these THREE areas of focus I’m sharing with you today to be very helpful in navigating judgment from others, especially. This is a lifelong practice. I am still working through new layers of how to examine my own judgment of others, and handling criticism and judgment FROM others.

In dealing with potentially "uncomfortable" feelings when confronted by people who share different values or beliefs, these are great ways to come back to your INNER PEACE.

Creating your own calm and inner peace is something I think most of us are wanting more of. I hope these tips help!!

Don’t forget to leave a comment at the bottom to share which one you’ll be focusing on most.

TOP TIPS FOR INNER PEACE FOLLOWING CONFLICT:

1. COMPASSION
One of the most powerful techniques I use regularly is a practice of compassion and forgiveness. Forgiveness is a powerful tool.

When forgiving someone internally (on our own,) it doesn't necessarily mean you condone or approve of the other person's actions or words, but it releases you from the attachment to their energy.

Forgiving means you can move forward. Whew. It's an exhale, and an opportunity to RESET.

It's especially powerful to forgive someone, and then spend time thinking about and discovering a compassionate angle to their actions or words.

Benefits of forgiving someone include:

• Practicing standing in someone else’s shoes, even for a moment. This practice creates unity and cultivates a deep knowing over time that we are all one, and separation is an illusion.

• Acknowledgment of their pain, sadness, circumstances, or belief systems that they may hold to arrive at their behavior. This perspective and thoughtful acknowledgment means you can increase your ability to be truly empathetic to their situation. It will help you make wise and thoughtful decisions in how you relate to others in the future.

• Forgiveness (and compassionate thoughts and feelings) can release anger towards others (and yourself,) and judgments about others (and yourself!) following a negative interaction.

• Healing your own residual looping thoughts of shame, blame, or anxiety following an argument.

• Overall, it's a wise tool for elevating your vibration and your ability to resolve conflict!

2. BEING CLEAR IS KIND
Being clear is kind. This means: setting boundaries for yourself and others and being clear about it (whether internalized to yourself, or verbalized to others) is usually a helpful, kind thing for others to know! Then, they don't need to wonder how to interact with you, or guess what you're thinking.

Examples:

• If you want to take a conversation offline and talk over the phone because you fear the continuation of it may get misconstrued over text, say that, and invite that change!

• If you don't feel comfortable with the way someone is speaking to you, perhaps it's time you let them know that, and say why it feels hurtful.

When you say how you feel, and let someone know in advance what you're comfortable with (and uncomfortable with), you provide them a framework for how to interact with you.

Super cool, so we can be treated the way we desire to be treated with respect and a roadmap.

Now, sometimes, creating boundaries is really more about your own silent/internal steps, and has less to do with outward communication to someone else.

For example, if you know someone at work likes to gossip, observe it, and then decide within yourself that you're not going to engage in anything that could be toxic or negative, and that you won't be contributing to those types of conversations.

Another example is social media. For instance, you do not have to respond to every comment or provide a rebuttal to something hurtful someone says, especially if it's not in your best interest.

Remember:

You are in control of your own mind.

You can decide that you create boundaries around what you look at, how much news you consume, what types of people you're following that may influence your attitude, and what time you log off your phone each night!

It's empowering and moves you out of disempowering thoughts— especially when you have hurtful interactions with someone (in a heated comment section for example).

3. GRATITUDE
Be grateful daily for the blessings that have already come true in your life. Maybe you finally have a job you're excited about. Maybe you have running water, and a great heater in your office! Maybe your health is really terrific right now, and you feel fantastic. Maybe your family believes in you, and wants the best for you. Maybe you have some loyal friends at your back. Maybe the sky is blue, and you can see the sun today… you get the idea.

Be grateful for the smallest things NOW, and bigger things will grow SOON. What you appreciate, APPRECIATES!

Focusing on the things that are already present in our lives can drastically improve our mood, resilience, and can mitigate feelings of unworthiness or sadness after negative interactions or altercations.

Now— if shit really hits the fan, being grateful for anything related to a horrible situation, an illness, or a profound loss of something close to you can feel nearly impossible.

But often, there are clear teachers or lessons that come from the hardest situations, and we can learn how to develop appreciation and gratitude for those. In some way, those hard lessons will benefit us in the future.

When we practice looking for the teacher, the lesson, or the reasons in most things NOW, we'll be more resilient and able to stay grateful, even in very hard times to come.



Which one of these will you implement? Let me know if this was helpful in the comments below!

xo

Riana